Live from the Royal Albert Hall…
MC: Ladies and gentlemen welcome. For our first contest tonight we have the young (provokes cackles and hysterics from the crowd) pretender making his debut appearance in this competition. Weighing in at 160 pounds in the red corner we have michamojames and his opponent in the blue corner Nessun Dorma.
So here we are ready for a translation of Nessun Dorma. Expert opinion is that he is out of his depth but still I’m sure he’ll give it his best shot. He’s pacing round the ring, really looking lean and wordy, pulling a few final facial exercises and…
Here he goes…
“Nessun dorma! Nessun dorma!”
Here comes the translation…
“No-one sleeps! No-one sleeps!”
Classy one-two. It’s a good start. Doesn’t look too phased by the occasion.
“Tu pure, o, Principessa,”
“You too, o, Princess,”
Gasp from the crowd they weren’t expecting that. Perhaps he’s going to prove the doubters wrong…
“nella tua fredda stanza”
“in your cold room”
A quick side-step and in he goes with another confident display. He’s dancing round the words. It’s like he’s known them his whole life.
“guardi le stelle”
“look at the stars”
Boom! Another one. Oh yes! That’s what they call the haymaker. Could he go the distance? Still a long way to go but he’s showing bags of promise!
“che tremano d’amore”
“that tremble with love”
A bit uncertain with that one
“e di speranza.”
What’s this? Oh he’s come unstuck and the crowd respond with jeers. They’ll pounce on any sign of weakness.
“Ma il mio mistero e chiuso in me,”
“But my err…umph…cough….”
He’s trying to move on but he’s stuck on the ropes….suddenly it’s all going wrong
“il nome mio nessun saprá!”
“Something about nobody knowing his name”
His composure is deserting him like a fleeing army, his legs have gone to jelly
The crowd can see it coming…
“No, no, sulla tua bocca lo diró”
“no, no on your lips i shall say it”
There’s a look on his face…it says nobody’s home
Oh he’s down
The referee has begun the count
It’s all over
He’s knocked out